8. “Aww, she’s passed out and peed her pants again. Welp, let’s get you upstairs to bed while your mom sleeps it off.”
9. Ironically, it was both the father’s arms that wound up being packed in ice 10 minutes later.
10. Somewhere out there, a teacher is reading this little girl’s “what I did on my vacation” essay and ordering herself a bulletproof vest.
11. Do you want mimes? Because this is how you get mimes.
12. “Yeah…yeah, I see the problem. Nah, not today, no…haven’t got the parts on the van. I can probably fit you in a week from Thursday?”
13. Even odds that this baby’s first word is “bro.”
14. “Rex, Billy, I believe in two things: discipline and the Bible. Here you’ll receive both. Put your trust in the Lord; your ass belongs to me. Welcome to Shawshank.”
15. Fortunately, Juggalos don’t often make Thanksgiving dinner, because Juggalos have nothing to be thankful for.
